Daria (31)

August 12, 2022, Bratislava. Day 169 of war.

She walked towards me proudly upright. A beautiful young woman who had to learn to live alone and manage to take care of herself and her daughter. She had to leave her home, her husband and start a new life in a foreign country. Despite the inner strength and renewed confidence that radiated from her, tears streamed down her cheeks while sharing memories. And I thought about how much more her shoulders could carry.

“On February 24, at 6:30 a.m. the first people started to leave Kharkiv. Explosions were heard, but the situation was relatively calm. When I woke up my daughter, she didn't understand what was happening. I didn't want to lie to her, so I told her the truth. Fortunately, he handles the whole thing quite well. The worst moment for her was when we went to hide, we grabbed the dog but we couldn't find the cat. She was crying a lot and begging us to go look for it so that nothing would happen to the cat. We experienced a very special moment even when we came here. When she saw the Slovak flag, she asked me: "Mom, is this Russia already?" I had to explain to her that the Slovak flag only resembles the Russian one and that we are safe here. I try to raise her as best as I can, I don't try to impose my opinions on her, I want her to come up with opinions herself. I tried to protect her from the war as much as possible, but more and more she is starting to ask why it is happening. I tell her that the Russians have decided to take our house and stuff like that. I don't know if anyone knows how to properly raise a child during the war.“

"We were packed in an hour and decided to leave. In that one hour, the city changed completely, there were big convoys everywhere. We lived in a block of flats and my parents about 500 meters from us in the family house. They had their basement where they could hide. We also have basements in the block of flats, but when the apartment building collapses, the basement can become a mass grave. We watched the city being shelled from the windows. One of the buildings not far from us was hit right in the middle. If that building hadn't been there, the rocket would probably have reached us. We were encouraged to report any suspicious movement to the police. Already in the period before the invasion, Russians in our city rented apartments and mapped the environment. I stood by the window and watched the surroundings with binoculars. Suddenly I saw a man on the roof of the block of flats across from us. He was building a kind of column there with a Russian flag on it. I tried to call the police, but the lines were busy. I wrote to my neighbors via Viber, and it turned out that it was one of the residents of their apartment building.” 

"The situation worsened on the fifth day. We woke up to sounds that resembled fireworks. I woke up my daughter, put warm clothes on her pajamas, and we left. She was in those pajamas for another week! Our housing estate didn't have a working siren, so we weren't always alerted about an incoming attack. We went to our parents. My father worked in the civil service in defense, but even he had no more information than I did. In the following days, we hid in their basement. We became more apathetic with each sound of siren, and after a few days we no longer wanted to hide. The parent's basement was not a hiding place in the true sense of the word. When my parents bought the land, they demolished the old house, kept the basement, put a concrete slab on it and built the house. The basement was just an ordinary pantry with wooden shelves for storing compotes, potatoes, etc. It had only one exit. In the past, there was another door that was walled up. Therefore, we had a large hammer ready with which we could create a second exit in case the existing exit collapsed. Gradually, my husband and I transferred things from the apartment to our parents, and we were preparing for evacuation.” 

"I have never faced such a difficult decision in my life. I didn't want to leave my house, and I certainly didn't want to leave my family. My brother talked me into leaving the city with him, but I couldn't. My husband would have to stay in town because of his parents, and I wouldn't be able to leave him. The situation was getting worse, we could hear the engines of the planes overhead more and more often. I found a place in the house where there were two walls without any windows, and I tried to stay there. My daughter was holding up the best. Just in case, I prepared a piece of paper for her, which she had to have with her at all times. It had her name, parents' and grandparents' names and phone numbers written on it in Russian and English. I explained to her that if something happened to us, someone would come to save her. Not long ago, she said to me: "Mom, I'm glad I didn't have to use that piece of paper!” 

"The decision to leave was made on March 1. At 6 in the morning, when the curfew ended, we got into the car. Our parents saw us off with a lighter heart as our childhood friends and their families joined us. From Kharkiv we went to Dnepropetrovsk. When we stopped at the gas station, my husband asked me if I wanted a coffee. Only then did I realize that life goes on and even such pleasant little things as being able to buy coffee still happen and are normal. We continued to Vinitsa, and our friends to Khmelnitsk. My parents also left the next day. It was difficult for them because they worked hard all their lives to be able to build the house of their dreams. Before they left, they agreed with the woman who lived in the shelled housing estate that she and her daughter could move into their house and that she would take care of their dog. After a few days, this woman left to Germany and asked other complete strangers to come to the house to live and take care of the dog. That's the story of my parents' house. We met my parents in Vinnitsa. We were there until the Russians started bombing the airport. From there we went to Ternopil and there we decided to go to Slovakia to see my sister. Of course, my husband had to stay in Ukraine, but he managed to go to Ivano-Frankivsk. The in-laws could not leave, they simply did not want to. Mother-in-law has problems with her knees, she is not very mobile. They're okay though. One of my friends died, the others are fine so far. He went to his garage next to the apartment building and that's when the bomb went off.” 

"My sister provided shelter for us in Slovakia. She has been living here for 5 years and married a Slovak. Everything was fine in the beginning, but after a while our children started arguing. The mentality of local children is different, I also discussed it with a psychologist, but the situation escalated until the moment when my sister showed us where the door was. In 4 days I managed to find an apartment for good money, I have a fantastic landlady. Although she did not allow us to have our dog and cat with us, we have a very good time at her place. The animals and the parents stayed with my sister.” 

"I have become a new woman, I am much more independent, I had to learn to navigate in a new city, I even know the city better than my parents. My husband and his friends started a project in which they do a fundraiser and buy cars. They then serve volunteers, rescuers, and soldiers. I drove one of those cars alone to the border, where I was supposed to meet my husband after a long time. I imagined how I would throw myself around his neck, that we would cry, that we would be happy. In the end, I stopped at the border for 4 hours, being tired, frozen, and when we finally saw each other, I had no strength left for any emotions. After that, I completed that trip several more times, I took the cars even further, all the way to Ukraine. Once I took my daughter with me. When she saw her father, she cried and did not want to tear herself away from him. My husband persuaded me to stay there, that it is safe there, but honestly, I would rather stay in Slovakia for the time being, where our daughter is safe.” 

"The war taught me not to judge people. In 2014, when there was a war in Donbas, a lot of people came to us. Many people felt discomfort because the city became fuller, we had to help each other, we couldn't think only of ourselves. That's why I now understand Slovaks that they sometimes fluff, it's completely natural. I learned to enjoy life. I still read about what's going on in the news, but I'm trying to live more in the present and not allow to think about bad things.” 

"It was very difficult to say goodbye to my husband. We've been together since 2010, we got married in 2013, and he's been my best friend ever since. We always had something to talk about, we had common interests. Today, it's not so much about huge love as it is about having a person you trust, sharing your life with, and wanting to be together because you feel good with that person. Fortunately, my husband does not have to fight because he has health problems and has a so-called white card. However, he helps as much as he can. He is buying cars, glasses, shoes for soldiers, everything that is needed. Life is hard without him. I have 4 jobs now. I work in a kindergarten, I do the cleaning in several places, I do makeup for women. After work, I take care of my daughter. Last Sunday I was cleaning, I was late, and I missed the last tram. I didn't have money with me for a taxi, so I had to walk home at night and in the rain. I learned to overcome problems. I became a different person. I live in the present. I used to make big plans, but as they say: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." All plans are already gone.” 

"I had to leave my house, my man, we used to have better relations in the family. I don't have many friends in Russia. Mom has family in St. Petersburg and they support us. However, there are also many who believe the propaganda. It really depends on what kind of media you watch. It is ideal to try to have as much information as possible. Now in Ukraine there is a rebirth of the nation and also of the language. People try to speak Ukrainian.” 

"We all had to live through a bad story. For example, my friends put their children to sleep in the bathtub at night, because the bathroom is the safest part of the apartment. Eventually you get used to everything and start seeing positive things. I realized that I enjoy every job, even cleaning. While cleaning, I have the feeling that I am also being cleaned on the inside. I'm having fun with the differences between Ukrainian and Slovak. You have a lot of words which mean contrary things, to smell  nicely in our country means to stink, wonderful is terrible in Ukrainian, buckwheat is toadstool in our country and so on. Last year I told myself that I wanted to learn a new language. It was supposed to be Italian, now I'm learning Slovak."