Zusya (55)

June 8, 2022, Zilina. Day 104 of war.

While she was at home, she tried to be brave, there was no time to cry. In Slovakia, her emotions are already set free and tears flow down her face almost constantly with only short breaks. She is unable to cope with trauma and fear even two months after crossing the country's borders, where missiles do not flying over her head. She warned me that she would cry at the beginning of our conversation. She's worried about her only son. He was not released across the border because he was already an adult. No one acknowledges the difference of being a student and never holding a gun. 

“My parents named me Zusya, I'm from Kharkiv. Ever since the war started, my son and I have been spending time in the basement. We lived for about a month there. Our entire housing estate was hiding in the same basement, there were about 400-500 people in there. It is very tiring and stressful to sit and listen to the sound of low-flying planes passing by.” 

“I arrived in Slovakia via Uzhhorod on April 7. We wanted to stay in Uzhhorod, but there was no room left for us. My son was not released across the border because he is 19 years old. He stayed there, he finally managed to find accommodation. That's why I stay in Slovakia, not far from the borders, so I can go and see him. He's just a student, he's smart, and he's doing well. When I called him if he would take the exams, he said yes confidently. I worked at a dental clinic as an assistant doctor, later as an administrative worker before the war. Unfortunately, I lost my job. Here I would like to find work so that I can live normally and help at home. I really want to go back.” 

“Our house is still standing, only the window glass is broken, but there is complete devastation in the neighborhood. I only have a son and a dog, which is here with me. A dog is also a bit of a problem, because it is difficult to find accommodation or work where I could take it with me. Everyone tells me to put the dog in the shelter, but I couldn't do that to it.” 

“We arrived here by train, from Kharkiv to Lviv, but we had to take a detour because all the trains to Lviv were full. We stood at the station in Mariupol for 20 hours, from where we then managed to get further west and to Uzhhorod. We went to Uzhhorod because my son has a friend there. He helped him to arrange dormitory accommodation there.” 

“I haven't cried since the very beginning of the war. Tears did not begin to fall down until I crossed the border because I had to leave my son behind. The situation is said to be calmer, but when I called a neighbor yesterday, she refuted this claim. In the evening, our city was bombed so badly that she didn't know where to hide. She also has a son there, she refused to leave because of him. We hope it all ends as soon as possible. It's not easy, we have no certainty, we don't know what will happen tomorrow.” 

“OMy son went to a friend's house, where he stayed overnight, on February 23. I was left alone at home. I woke up shortly before 5 in the morning. I didn't know what to do, I called my son and told him to come home quickly. He too heard bombs exploding around us. At first we were running between the apartment and the basement, but later we stayed only in the basement. When you hear the sound of a flying rocket, the fear overtakes the whole being, and you just pray that it doesn't fall on you. It was such a terrible sound that I can't imagine how huge those rockets must have been.” 

“It was hard, cold in the basement, we had no water, no electricity. Despite the shooting, we ran to the store to get something to eat. There were queues in front of the shops, despite the shooting and the bombs. We survived it. But now I'm worried about my son because he's still in Ukraine. He's been with me all his life, and now I'm alone. At least I'm happy that all my friends and family are alive and well, some are even returning home. My mother stayed at home near Zhytomyr, the situation there is more or less calm, the explosions are to be heard, but nothing would convince her to run away. She is already 77 years old. The only thing that bothers her is the need to feed the hens and taking care of the garden.” 

“I don't know why this happened. No one could even imagined it. I thought we were exactly the same people, even in character, but I couldn't be more wrong. We are very different, even though we are Slavs. I was never interested in politics, even though it was talked about, I didn't listen to it. When I heard the first explosions, I thought it was just a thunder and that it would start to rain soon. We did well. Some have nowhere to return to. A friends’ house has been bombed down. Fortunately, they had a basement with two exits, so they were able to get out and run away. There is nothing left of the house, but they are alive.” 

“The Russians gradually retreated to the East, towards the Donbas, but they are still bombing our city. A bomb hit a shopping center there yesterday, 5 people died. The greatest misery is that in addition to the soldiers fighting against each other, innocent people are dying. I'm already very tired, let it end as soon as possible, let them no longer shoot, let them talk, come to an agreement, so people just don't have to die anymore.”