Svitlana (40)

May 8, 2022, Zilina. Day 73 of war. 

I will never forget her blue eyes. Those eyes have seen too much evil. Also the devastated body of her husband. At the end of our meeting, an argument broke out at the shelter over her barking dog. Svitlana told the complaining man that the dog was her third child. A family member who constantly watches over her, her mother, father and two children after the death of her husband. As if he knew that it’s his mission now.

"Since March 2, there was no water, gas, light, nor contact with the surrounding world in Mariupol. In the blink of an eye, we returned to the Stone Age, our basements became our caves. Every day we went to the apartment to change, it was very cold -10 degrees. Me and the children couldn't get out because my husband wouldn't let us, he didn't want anything bad to happen to us. It was only him who went out to get things we needed, every day he quickly gathered some wood around the entrance, started a fire and cooked something for us. He didn't just take care of us, but also of his parents and mine. He visited them, checked how they were, whether they needed anything, brought them food.” 

“My husband, kids and I were in the basement from March 2nd to March 17th. On that day, like every other day, he went to see his parents because one of the explosions had broken their windows, and he wanted to fix what he could. All he could find was cellophane. However, that would also help to prevent the blowing   wind coming in, as it was freezing outside, and it was even more windy on the 7th floor where they lived. The plane flew again. This time the bomb didn't hit the street, but directly hit the block of flats and killed my husband. His parents survived. Part of the building collapsed, and my husband was buried under the debris.” 

“It was getting late and he was not coming back, but I was already used to the fact that he had to hide, because there were explosions everywhere and it was impossible to walk peacefully from house to house. Suddenly my father appeared in the doorway, and that's when I understood what happened. I didn't care about what was happening on the street, that rockets were exploding around us. I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't try to save him. He was dead. His head was blown off, and his body laid under heavy rubble. We managed to bury him only on the 9th day. There was an apricot tree in the yard. We put him under the tree, and we looked at his body every day. We couldn't bury him right away because of the very close explosions and shelling.” 

“Under normal circumstances, you have plenty of potatoes and you can eat them as much as you want. We had a maximum of 3 potatoes per person per day, I shared my portion with the dog. After all, he is also a member of the family. Our dog has never slept, ever since my husband died. He felt that his master was not coming back and he knew he had to protect us. He started behaving completely differently and doesn't let strangers near us.” 

“We found ourselves in the middle of hell. We didn't know where to go because there was shooting going on everywhere. Walking through the streets, you don't even know where you are because everything is black, destroyed, there’s only rubble and shrapnel under your feet. We remembered that we have an acquaintance living next to the church, so we tried to get to him. Normally the trip takes about 5 minutes. Now it was an endless journey filled with explosions and dust. It is interesting that even in such a situation, when you are crossing the road, you stop and look both ways. Habits of mind are persisting. Finally, we managed to come to our acquaintance, I knocked on his door, which he opened after a while, and there we saw his uncomprehending eyes. I spoke to him: "Maxim, can we stay with you?", and then he answered: "Svetlana, is that you? I only recognize you by your voice.” We changed so much in one month that we could't recognize our friends. We stayed with him for a while, together with 4 quilts and a bag of food. It was all we had left. Later we started receiving humanitarian aid, but it was very limited. We received a box of toilet paper and shampoo, 3 bags of pasta, one loaf of bread, 4 cans of food, 5 liters of water and one liter of oil. This should feed the whole family for a month! We understood that we had to leave. We did not bring children into the world to live such a life. We didn't even know where we were going, or how we would get there. We decided to leave as soon as evacuation was possible just for the sake of the children, to save their lives. The evacuation was under the supervision of the DNR (Donetsk National Republic). They brought a bus, we had to wait in front of it, in the sun for a long time. People were sick. I talked with my parents about what we would do in case they split us up. We ended up leaving together, but we didn't know where we were going. They drove us along very strange roads all the way to Donetsk, where they checked us. The men were stripped naked and examined in detail.” 

“The journey from Mariupol took us 7 days. Everyone kept telling us to stop and rest. It was not possible! You have so much adrenaline inside you that you simply have to leave. In Rostov, on the train to Moscow, we met a woman who, when she saw us, must have understood that we were from Mariupol. We were wearing winter clothes and the weather was already warm. We didn’t have anything else, only the things we wore. She wanted to give me money, she said she didn't have more. I refused, and said: “We don't need your money, we need you to have Mariupol in your heart!” She didn’t respond.” 

“The worst part of it all was that we didn't know what was happening to our loved ones. We had no electricity, and therefore no internet or mobile signal. We managed to connect with many friends and acquaintances only when we got to Europe. I was most surprised by the classmates who created a network of contacts and tried to track everyone down. We could hear tears of happiness over the phone when they found out we were alive. They told us that in case we had nowhere to go, the whole family could come, that their house is our house. Actually, I wouldn't want to go back there, at least not now. Everything is destroyed. Friends told me that only 2 floors remained of our block of flats, it had collapsed. When we left, it was still standing, except for a few fallen sections. We have trouble finding accommodation here because there are so many of us. There are 7 of us in total, and we also have 2 dogs. We went through such hell that I wouldn't forgive myself if we had to split up. People don’t understand when we turn down offers for apartments where we would have to live separately. They can't understand it, they haven't lived through the horrors that we have.” 

“I never lied to my children, never made up fairy tales about what was happening. I always told them the truth. And then a Russian soldier comes to you with his truth and says he has come to save you. I ask from whom, from what, who begged you to come? Who asked you to change life into non-life, to kill children's fathers and mothers? I don't know how to answer when someone asks me how I am. All I say is that I'm alive and please don't ask me this question again! I would prefer if all people from Mariupol were here together, because only we understand each other. Others don't understand us, and maybe that's a good thing, because they didn't have to go through the horrors that we did. I'm glad that not everyone experienced our horrors. I want Mariupol to be the only such example.” 

“We knew only fear and enemy rockets. When my husband was already dead, I had to go get something to the apartment. I went there with my daughter. Suddenly the bombing started. We ran down the stairs, hiding behind the elevator shaft on each floor. My daughter never cried, she was always very strong. But I couldn't recognize her then, she tried to hide behind every possible wall, terribly crying. Since then, I haven't let her alone anywhere, not even here. She always sticks with me. This is the result of the liberation action! My son sleeps glued to me at night, he won't let me go. But the main thing is that we live!”